I think it's safe to say that we all have a tendency to pretend just a little bit. If nothing else, it's a habit carried over from childhood when we played dress up & House & Grocery Store & Doctor's Office & whatever else (at our house it included Tepee & Tents made of blankets thrown over picnic tables). I fully admit that I still pretend to this day. When I'm driving all by myself I pretend that I can really sing & really sing well & really sing high - like a soprano. I'm sure it just sounds like shrieking to anyone else but it's so fun to try for that note & see if I can remember all the lyrics. I enjoy feeling like I could be a singer
But don't look for me at any American Idol auditions. My Pretend-You-Are-A-Fabulous-Singer Game is only played in the car when I am all alone.
I play other games of pretend that are just as harmless as the singing. Sometimes when I pass by a house I make up a story in my head about what it would be like to live in that house & who would live there with me. It might be kind of silly & weird but I think it's harmless.
But then there are the games of pretend that I play that are not harmless. The Lord has really been speaking to my spirit about this lately. This past Sunday night in church He whispered another little thought to me regarding a stupid pretend game I have been playing. My niece Madison & two other little girls sang a special that night & it was a medley of songs about heaven. The line that spoke to me most said something about how we would get together & tell the stories of how we overcame here on this earth. That's when it really struck me; I have allowed myself to live in a pit of daily drudgery, anxiety, worry, & discouragement. In short, I have been living like I am not a sinner saved by grace. I have been living like a sinner who has no hope. How could I allow my thoughts to become so far from where the Lord wants them to be? as if I have forgotten that I am SAVED?
It's not that I don't have the full assurance of my salvation; I do. I just haven't been living like it. I don't have panic attacks or stay up all night worry & fretting. I have been discouraged. There are some things in my character that I have been struggling with for so long & it seems that I will never get the victory. I have been trying to accomplish all of my day to day tasks & all of the character improvements in my own strength.
There have been moments of joy. I am blessed with a very sweet marriage. I have my Bible & I have actually been reading it fairly regularly. I am surrounded by a loving family & church.
I guess what I am saying is this: I forgot that the battle is already won. I forgot that Christ has already secured the victory. It doesn't matter what I'm afraid of, it's already been conquered.
I can stop pretending. I can start living as who I really am - a forgiven sinner who has been adopted into the family of God.
For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!"
In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.