This past week has been a different kind of week for me. Usually I love my job. It's a little slow-paced at times but overall I really like it. Especially since I no longer have the pressure of trying to work two jobs.
However, since I got married there have been things to distract my attention from work just a little bit. Somehow, now I wish I were home more with Mike. Hmmm...wonder why?
But I still like my job. Maybe I don't bounce out of bed quite so readily these days but I still hadn't really experienced that deep in the middle of my chest aching dread about going to work. Until last week.
There has been a lot of pressure on our pharmacists recently b/c of a worldwide shortage of the radioactive material that we use to compound our drugs. There are essentially only three reactors in the world that our suppliers purchase their raw material from. They take that material & make the generators that we can draw our RAM (radioactive material) from. One reactor in Canada has been shut down FOREVER b/c of a heavy water leak repair. Another reactor in The Netherlands has been shut down for scheduled maintenance. That leaves us with the reactor in South Africa. Since the material is in such high demand & since it has to travel so far, our supply chain is fraught with delays & changes. It's been hard for the guys to be able to communicate with our customers about what will be available & when. One of our pharmacists is a go-with-the-flow kind of guy & one isn't. Some days are easy, some days are hard. I'm sure you can figure out why (some days I'm working with Mr. Go-With-The-Flow & some days I'm not). That makes it hard for me to want to go to work on certain days.
Anyway, there have been other changes around here lately & they have been a little difficult for me to adjust to, partially b/c I don't know whether or not to expect the changes to be permanent. I don't want them to be permanent. I have struggled with these changes. And I have not prayed about them as I should have. I have not communicated my concerns to my boss like I should have. Therefore, last week I had a melt down day. I was quiet & just a teensy bit sullen at work. When Mike got home I filled his ears to overflowin' with my complaints, concerns, tears, etc. POOR GUY! He endures far worse at his work & never complains. After my tirade, I was not feeling better. Especially b/c Mike reminded me of some simple truths. I'm not in control; God is. I am not being right when I pout; I am not being right when I complain. I am not being a good testimony to my coworkers when I have a sullen, rotten attitude. I need to communicate with my boss (he's a good listener). I need to trust God for the outcome & not hold on to things like a 5 year old at the playground. No part of my job belongs to me. I have to share.
So, my praise is that through all of this stubborn silliness on my part, the Lord has taught me several things. He is in control; I can trust Him. I need to keep a grateful spirit. How many people right now really just wish they had a job, let alone one they would enjoy? Also, I need to remember that my job is an area of ministry for me. I need to be reflecting Christ in my workplace.
And the Lord gave me some great comfort through a song this past week. I kept picturing myself on a slippery slope, sliding backwards. Those illustrations that youth pastors use of backsliding have really stuck with me, I guess! Anyway, in my mind I pictured myself sliding back, scrabbling to keep upright & keep climbing, getting more tired by the minute. There is a line in the song that hit me on the way to work one morning. It says, "My feet are firm, held by His grace." I started picturing the Lord Jesus there with me on the slippery slope, His precious hands upholding my feet. Strong, steady hands that hold me & help me reach higher ground. It makes the climb seem not so desperate & not so terrifying, having Him there with me!